j williams

There are times where I wish I had the power to make a huge change, where I can wipe away all the bad and replace it with good…where people would no longer be judged by their past but the present. Where people are given a new chance, a new beginning, a new start. I have a kid – 'J' – he has been marked as a very high "at risk" student. Needless to say, no teacher in their "right" mind would want to take this student into their class. So, when his teacher asked if I could absorb the student for three days – I was a bit scared out of my mind but agreed to it as I am a sucker for not being able to say no. Surprisingly, I didn't see the "at risk" everyone was talking about. This kid, was a super smart kid, respectful with his "Yes ma'ams and No ma'ams", had a beam in his eye and a pep in his step when he was fully engaged in learning. He had his moments but nothing out of the ordinary. So, I offered to have him be transferred into my class to alleviate a co-worker's load.

My request was granted. On Halloween, the transfer took place. It hasn't been the happy ending that I thought it would be. This week has been such a challenge. He has not been in my class since the transfer. Extortion, fighting, and assault held him in the office, at home, and away from me. I haven't had him in my class for more than 1 day since the three day trial period weeks ago. I see what CAN become of this student but outside of my classroom, something unleashes and the poor decisions he makes leads to consequences out of my hands and beyond my control. I've fought so hard for him, viewed as hopeless by others. In any given situation, he is already marked as guilty with a -100. No one can see past his record and no one can view sympathy or empathy toward his side. Not to say that I agree with the decision he made in all his incidences, but can't you just see WHY he did the thing he did? I am not saying dismiss his actions and let him get away with it….but have an understanding for the kid and his daily fight he must go through in order to survive.

Leaving on high notes with him Thursday afternoon with smiles and excitement, I surely thought Friday, yesterday, would mark the day for a new change. It was short-lived as I was brought ill news that he will be home-based for three consecutive days. Cops were called to the school, he was almost charged with assault. Parents were called and kids were taken in offices. None of this happened with my knowledge. I was not called nor was I notified until after all had been taken care of. I am saddened with such deep grief for this kid. He desperately needs prayer. This kid needs protection more than anything. This kid needs people to believe the good that is in him: the good that has been dormant for so long but is still there. It's still there! What I don't want is the devil to take this kid out. I don't want him to be used as another statistic. I don't want him to believe that he cannot fight back or come back. I don't want him to give up and give in to the evil. My heart pleads for his soul. I've come to grips that I cannot save him. I can't no matter how much I desperately want to, I can't. He has to fight but can't we help him fight? Pray for him. Pray for him, for his family, for his soul. I ask if you have a moment, to please pray for J. Williams. I know he can be so much more than what he is now. I know it.

Lord, be with him and let him know that someone out there believes he can change, believes he is good, believes in him. I believe, Jesus, that you have him in Your hands, deliver Him from evil, let him see You. I believe it Lord. I believe it. Help him believe in himself too.

my special day.

Unbeknownst to me, upon my arrival at school, I discovered that someone decided to have a party decoration store explode in my room. [This is just one side of the room.] Shockingly - literally - the kids were wondering who's birthday it was. So sad. So sad. CONTEXT clues kids - who's room is this? Poor lil things. Then again their previous teachers were telling me that it was nice of me to decorate my own room for my own birthday for the kids. Eh?! What?! I wouldn't do such a thing, perhaps for someone else's birthday but not for my own! In any case, very nice and sweet surprise to walk into. I got five more plastic rings added to my current collection too. Weeeeee!!! You know, the ones they put on top of those cupcakes!!! Yaaaaaa, that's what I'm talking about! The culprit responsible for this:



Well, normally he wouldn't be grooming a statue monkey...ha...ha



Other highlights of my day/weekend:

- Spaghetti dinner and necessity of rice cooker incident. sigh....you just don't know.
- Surprise birthday party: eek. had no clue. sneaky people! thank you.
- I got an iPod NANO! wahhooooooo...thanks sis and anh neal! LOVE it.
- Many many birthday wishes from my friends off Facebook, text, phone call. A deep THANK YOU to you all =)



None of this is deserving at all....it was quite a shock and weird feeling to get the attention and love from all the people in my life. Even if it was a simple text or post ....you made me feel special and I really do thank the Lord for you. Blessings to you and all who contributed. God's love to you always.

27:5

Have you ever done something, said something you thought you should have but when you are in the midst of the act you wish you could just stop, take back what you said, wish you weren't you right now? Guts are revealed and the gritty gruesome cold feeling of crud consumes your entire being. Enter in Proverbs 27:5

"Open rebuke is better than hidden love."

You don't know what this feels like? You don't know what this means? Consider yourself lucky. It's the feeling as if someone knocked the wind out of you. While you are down and out cold, they decide to revive you and hit you again. You wished you were in an unconscious state of mind but you aren't, you feel every bit of this sharp stinging pain. You're up again and who's hurting you is someone you love. They walk away and all you can do is watch them go. You want to run after them, but what is love if it is forced obligation? It's like someone is pulling out your heart and letting you see it's last heartbeat before you die. Funny thing is, you live through this. This won't kill you [not physically]...you hate yourself and you feel stupid. I feel stupid. Sometimes I wonder about myself. How in the WORLD am I still alive? This must be what the Lord feels like when He is rejected from the very being He took so much time to make. What I fail to do is love Him the way that He so desires to be loved. I've hit Him again and again. I've ripped out His heart, held it in my hands and laughed with it in His face. All He does is look at me with love and hurt at the things I do to Him. MAN! I don't understand why He gives me the grace and mercy that I so do not deserve. I don't even want to be around me right now. How He can still bear to see my face is beyond my comprehension. I can't, I can't understand it. I don't think I ever will until I meet His face. To be in His presence and be engulfed in His love. Ohhh, I can't wait "because You are, You are my hope. You are, You are my Song. You are, You are my Light. You are my Salvation." Come save me from me. Come pull me through. I need Your help Jesus. I need You.

hahhahaha...

....is all I got.

my kids make me giggle:

Monday:

various students at sporadic times in the morning: "You look different Miss Nguyen."

me: Really?

them: Yes.

me: Probably my hair, today it is in a pony tail.

them: Ooooooh. Yeah that's it, huh.

They notice the weirdest tiniest detail when it comes to me yet they can't look carefully on whether the problem tells them to subtract or add. REALLY?!?!

Last Friday:

Picture this. A group of kids scrambling in the dark with their teacher allowing this to happen. Why? The principal came on the intercom saying we are about to commence the Perimeter Lockdown in a few minutes. Teacher has no clue as what to do, so teacher asks the students, [Big mistake], "Kids! What is Perimeter lockdown?" Students informs teacher, "Oh, you turn off the lights and we have to hide!" Teacher must be severely lacking sleep and sanity as the teacher agreed to it. So, in room 518, lights are off, room is pitch black and kids are scattered who knows where and with whom...it finally clicks when the teacher hears the other classes going about business as normal. "Hey! I don't think this is right!?!" says the teacher. Kids giggling. [uh-oh....trickster little rug rats]. Teacher goes to another teacher's room and asks ever so kindly as rug rat kids are finishing their Texas book assignment.

"What is perimeter lockdown?" Teacher 1 asks Veteran teacher 2.
"You lock your door and business as usual." says Teacher 2
"Thank you." Teacher 1.

Teacher 1 returns to class wanting to fully yell out rug rats as teacher was made out like a gullible fool....but can't....laughter and giggles just consumes as the memories of how ridiculous we probably looked had a principal or someone would have witnessed our madness. Students giggle and laugh as well as they knew they had pulled one over their teacher. This is all hypothetical of course. I am actually the veteran teacher as I would not ever be gullible enough to allow this to happen in my room. Oh no, not this Asian gal. Ha hahaa.... sigh. whatever.

exhausted

i'm pooped. weird cable man in my room.
the man speaks chinese....go figure.
he's taking so long. why is he here so late?
i haven't watched tv in over a month.
i really don't need cable in my room.
i'm pretty sure i will be using it later
but right now i'm pretty CRANKY.
sleep is what i want. sleep is what i need.
c'mon man! so sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy.

side note: got YELLLLED at by one of
my student's mom today. 7:35 AM to be exact.
she actually hung up on me because she
was so mad and told me to call her later
because she needed to cool off right now.
i was speechless....

called back during my conference period.
we reconciled our differences and came to
an agreement after much deliberation!
sigh....i'm so tired. grrrrrr....cable man,
cable man please goooooo away.
won't you come another daaaaaay!?!?!

i have two weddings, guitar lesson, kick off
prayer internship, evangelizing, possible
birthday dinner, and not to forget hanging
out with my floater this weekend. not to leave out my
regular church and chilling with me family routine too!
my my my...i think i may have overbooked myself.
uh-oh.

change.

As I told my kids on Thursday and Friday, change is constant. I made them repeat it again and again, but I really don't think they fully grasp the meaning of it. Like Maslow's theory, the bell rang and they salivated, eyeing the coveted "freedom" door anticipating the moment I let them cross. Poor lil things, I about killed them on Friday. 25 kids with one teacher. Guess who's the lucky soul keeper? Yep, the other teacher was off doing who knows what but it seemed like an eternity. The kids were restless, I was tired and we were both moaning for her to come back. I have lost my co-teacher. I am now in charge of teaching all subjects. [Enter panic and worry.] Sigh. I inherited 4 additional kids as well. They all felt like they got the short end of the stick. [Um, Heeelloooo?!?] I told their sad lil puppy eyes, "Too bad, so sad. You are now mine and must play by my rules - which is dictatorship." The kid who I had to walk home with the lecturing grandma and the in-denial father was one who I have inherited in my classroom. FAAAAN-TASTIC. Bright side: Ms. C will still inhabit the same room. I didn't get the pee-er boy. Downside: I'll miss the rug rats as they were a good bunch of kids to torture. [j/k] We have been working like nobody's business getting the transition done by Monday. Thursday we went home at 10:30. Yesterday, 1:30 AM. What will today bring? Shoot 4 PM as it is my mom's birthday and she wants to go to the Gaylord. Why? Who knows, at least I won't be up in room 518 at my school.

Dedication man....de-di-ca-tion. Who bets I crack within one month? I wouldn't doubt it. hehehe...I foresee a mental health day very soon.

dismal to dyn-o-mite day.

There's a reason why you let the kids write about themselves, hysterical laughter. Today was the absolute most horrendous of a school day and it's just the second week. [Looking forward to the next 9 months. Please note the extreme sarcasm.] Got me a pee-er and two liars accompanied by a ferocious anxiety attack in the morning. Grandma lecture of how to teach a child correct behavior and a father's denial that his "good" kid can do no wrong to end my day. Conversation with father to extend during my whole 25 minutes of lunch come this Thursday. All in all....I'm thankful to be alive. It's funny now, but had you been at my school to witness me this morning, you would've seen a torn up teacher. So being the optimist that I am [note sarcasm again], I decided to "get to know" my kids, as if that would alleviate the pangs of my woes. I finally read their "Get Acquainted" paper I asked them to complete last week, ta hahahah...we need to work on GRAMMAR/SPELLING. [Isn't the kettle calling the teapot black?] To get a feel with what I am working with see examples of student's work below. True names will not be revealed and spelling errors will remain in tact to keep integrity of the author's writing.

Favorite food is: Rice With Fish and Soup [Only an Asian girl would write this down]
My favorite game is: I love to clean [Wow. Really?]

Gigantor of a Behavioral Issue Student/ Pee-er
The subject I like best is: math
The subject I like least is: spilling [Hmm, would explain the incident today.]

Just exited Bilingual Student
The subject I like least is: waking up early [waaaa?!?!]
I feel proud when my dad makes his ribbis. [Dude, I'm speechless. I would like to think he was trying to say rib eyes but I have no clue.]

Amazon Girl Student
I would like to be a Movie Star when I group up. [Ahh yes, I would like you to group up too.]