super saturday!

the day is not yet over and it has been a MAGNIFICENT saturday.

6 AM - woke up to do the son run a "friendly" four mile trek along the streets of polk, wheatland, hampton and camp wisdom. i wasn't anticipating much but wanted to finish the race "running". and i DID!!! thank the Lord! He sent me a gracious partner to keep me on pace and whaddya know? i came in second next to my partner. i even got a nifty medal and certificate to verify the proof of the whole ordeal.

Mid afternoon PICNIC at the church - gotta love my church and its festivities...rode a mini little roller coaster and even threw up my hands like the dare devil i am, played with former kids i had taught in awana, ate turkey leg, snow cone, roasted corn and finished it off with chili cheese nachos. uf. no worries, tums are near in case of any sudden abrupt gastro problems.

** currently: resting for the upcoming activities i am highly anticipating - i'm on a high rush and it feels nice to be alive today....and i am glad that i am able to enjoy it **

7 PM - one of my students cornered me spontaneously in my open 10 x 10 room to ask me if i would like to go to her dance recital thing tonight. [but it's my weekend off i thought to myself. must be strong and nicely decline.] she batted her eyes and followed it with a "please miss nguyen?"...result: i bought a ticket.

9 PM - final soccer game. wish us a healthy non-violent victory as it will be the deciding game to place us first in our league. bring it on...then again, i may be too pooped to do any running or slide tackling for the night. but hey! bring it on anyways - i'm semi half prepped and fully loaded with food in my stomach ready for some action jackson. hahhaha...deliriously derranged right now.

hope your saturday has been super like mine. toodles.

hanging in tough

as the days go by...it's harder and harder for me to stay focused. on task. working diligently. in all fairness - i feel like my kids. pooped. thank goodness i have a workshop to attend to tomorrow as i do NOT know what i would do had i needed to go into work and teach....so sad, yet it is the simple truth. i'm flabbergasted at my current exhausted condition. and to think - i should be sleeping right now. hmmmm....gotta love the irony.

slow to speak.

"be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger..."

there are many moments of each day that i doubt the positive good things i spew out to my kids. there are many times that i hard core lecture them about right from wrong. my voice elevates to an extremely loud tone at them and i can feel my blood pressure start to rise. many times i must tell myself - "calm down/chill out" - but it's not until after my elongated speech has already commenced. in the moment, it's hard to stop yourself. in the moment, all you want is for them to realize the degree of importance on how poor choice can lead to unwanted consequences. in the moment, you forget that perhaps what comes from your mouth could kill their spirit or maim them for life. could i just be dramatizing it? perhaps. but my intentions would never want for anything negative to impact their lives because of what i said in the heat of a moment. i worry about this daily. how far do i take it? when should i hold back? what should i let go? should i pull them aside and apologize? should i ease up? i love these kids...and to know that i could possibly be damaging their lives instead of lifting it frightens me to death. you've got to know that i have the best intentions at heart for each and everyone of them. they've got to know that. they've got to realize it. i've got to remember they are just kids, but they have such a long life in front of them - a life that they can choose to be whatever they want it to be. everything is a choice. it comes down to the choices. these choices will shape who they are. i hope they know that.

my prayer - given to me by a fellow sister in Christ:

"let the words that are from You be heard and let the words that hurt be forgotten"

help me be slow to speak......be slow to speak...

illogical, inconceivable, irritating.

how is it that we the patients or rather the clients of a business - must report a 24 hour notice for a cancellation of an appointment or else we must suffer the consequences of a hefty fine - but when the doctor's office can call us hours ahead of our scheduled appointment to RESCHEDULE it for another day that's convenient for them, they get away with it scott free and without a hint of remorse or regret. i find that particularly odd and disturbing as my teeth have been rotting for over two months since my last yearly visit. [yes, i know the visits should be semi-yearly - long story short - i had no insurance] in any case, they should at least throw in a "i'm sorry here's a $5 starbucks card for your troubles." type of reward or apology. if it weren't for the sad sad SAD insurance i have now, i would SO go to another dentist. too bad i am limited to monarch dental. i know. please don't tell me what i already know about the crummy place. i'm already experiencing difficulty and i haven't even made it to ONE appointment yet because they keep cancelling on me. the fourth attempt will be on may 7 - fingers crossed - Lord willing - cavities hold on...just hold on!!

giving up.

don't you just feel like giving up sometimes? i mean....there just comes a point where you are like, "what is the use and why am i still here?" i felt like that on friday. not suicidal - though it sure sounds like it - but i was thinking, "LORD! why am i still here...can i just be taken up to heaven now? i really wouldn't mind going right about now." it's one of those low moments you sink into because you find yourself in a pit and wallowing in it. you think, man! what's the purpose of my life? why can't i leave this world of pain? but i know why i am here, i have a dang purpose to fulfill and i haven't carried it out, whatever it may be. in any case, what i learned today and what i have come to grips with is that i am in - what pastor bellamy calls - 'God's training camp.' The boot camp called life: where we are put through trials and pains to help build our character through a process called discipline. i am being disciplined as i have been disciplining my 18 kids. not out of hatred or punishment but out of love and for the best interest in their lives. this is not a happy thing ...sometimes [most of the time] it is painful yet necessary to help mold what is good and beneficial in my eyes. that's what the Lord is doing but on a much higher and more perfect level - as what HE sees is significantly better than what i can see. sigh....long story short...i am back on track and ready to rumble...bring it on....no pain. no gain.

hebrews 12:1-13 [you got some time? read this for reflection and marinate in it.]

rain.

i should be doing something productive right now like:
grade papers - write future math graphic organizers - read something.
but it's raining. don't know why but i'm using that as my excuse.
i just can't seem to get motivated. i think i finally understand
how my students feel. sad. i yell at them so much. but i want
them all to pass. i know i don't have control over that - but if i
have somewhat of an authority to influence it - then by all bat mobile
i'm going to shove all the information that i can into their
brains until the very bitter end of the last grueling minute
of their third grade career.

aaaaah!! it's raining like hoodrats right now and i'm home alone!
and sitting near the window...hmmmm, maybe i should move...
eeeeek someone hold me....
at least i have my laptop computer. aaaaaaah!

so scareeeeeed....

trust. patience. faith.

what i want to know, what i need to know, and what i think i know is all irrelevent. what i see is not always what it appears to be. when will i get my answer? only the Lord will reveal in His good time. patience is key. faith is necessary. and trust is the foundation. a battle - no doubt - when all i can think of is when will i get the answer to my question: what is to become of this? yea or nay...