my special day.

Unbeknownst to me, upon my arrival at school, I discovered that someone decided to have a party decoration store explode in my room. [This is just one side of the room.] Shockingly - literally - the kids were wondering who's birthday it was. So sad. So sad. CONTEXT clues kids - who's room is this? Poor lil things. Then again their previous teachers were telling me that it was nice of me to decorate my own room for my own birthday for the kids. Eh?! What?! I wouldn't do such a thing, perhaps for someone else's birthday but not for my own! In any case, very nice and sweet surprise to walk into. I got five more plastic rings added to my current collection too. Weeeeee!!! You know, the ones they put on top of those cupcakes!!! Yaaaaaa, that's what I'm talking about! The culprit responsible for this:



Well, normally he wouldn't be grooming a statue monkey...ha...ha



Other highlights of my day/weekend:

- Spaghetti dinner and necessity of rice cooker incident. sigh....you just don't know.
- Surprise birthday party: eek. had no clue. sneaky people! thank you.
- I got an iPod NANO! wahhooooooo...thanks sis and anh neal! LOVE it.
- Many many birthday wishes from my friends off Facebook, text, phone call. A deep THANK YOU to you all =)



None of this is deserving at all....it was quite a shock and weird feeling to get the attention and love from all the people in my life. Even if it was a simple text or post ....you made me feel special and I really do thank the Lord for you. Blessings to you and all who contributed. God's love to you always.

27:5

Have you ever done something, said something you thought you should have but when you are in the midst of the act you wish you could just stop, take back what you said, wish you weren't you right now? Guts are revealed and the gritty gruesome cold feeling of crud consumes your entire being. Enter in Proverbs 27:5

"Open rebuke is better than hidden love."

You don't know what this feels like? You don't know what this means? Consider yourself lucky. It's the feeling as if someone knocked the wind out of you. While you are down and out cold, they decide to revive you and hit you again. You wished you were in an unconscious state of mind but you aren't, you feel every bit of this sharp stinging pain. You're up again and who's hurting you is someone you love. They walk away and all you can do is watch them go. You want to run after them, but what is love if it is forced obligation? It's like someone is pulling out your heart and letting you see it's last heartbeat before you die. Funny thing is, you live through this. This won't kill you [not physically]...you hate yourself and you feel stupid. I feel stupid. Sometimes I wonder about myself. How in the WORLD am I still alive? This must be what the Lord feels like when He is rejected from the very being He took so much time to make. What I fail to do is love Him the way that He so desires to be loved. I've hit Him again and again. I've ripped out His heart, held it in my hands and laughed with it in His face. All He does is look at me with love and hurt at the things I do to Him. MAN! I don't understand why He gives me the grace and mercy that I so do not deserve. I don't even want to be around me right now. How He can still bear to see my face is beyond my comprehension. I can't, I can't understand it. I don't think I ever will until I meet His face. To be in His presence and be engulfed in His love. Ohhh, I can't wait "because You are, You are my hope. You are, You are my Song. You are, You are my Light. You are my Salvation." Come save me from me. Come pull me through. I need Your help Jesus. I need You.