it is what it is.

satisfied. contentment. easy concept. hard practicing. sometimes, i am so consumed with other people's life. their testimonies. their blessing. their togetherness. i get caught up trying to become whomever it is that i think i should be that i lose sight of who i am. everyone has their own unique story. everyone has their own testimony. everyone gets their own blessings. when i get trapped into thinking that i deserve what they deserve, i get into some trouble. frustration sets in. anger boils up. and sadness overflows. to pathetically attempt to redeem myself, i try to be someone i can't ever be so i can get what they got. funny thing? i don't get it. literally, i don't GET it. i don't get what they got and i can't understand why. but what God graciously gave me is MY life. what i get and when i get it, is up to God's divine time. and i realize that He decides what He gives me, not me....as Ecclesiastes 6:10 says "Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there's no use arguing with God about your destiny." there's no use crying over it either. as i like to say now-a-days, it is what it is...so let it be and praise God all along the way.

romans 5.3-4

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good fo us - they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation." [NLT]

huh...well isn't that just a crack in my peanut? i didn't stop to think. i didn't pause to realize how i believe in this now. i emphasize now because shoot, tell me this a year or two ago and i would laugh in your face. look forward in getting beat down, filled with sorrow, pain and hurt? oh yeah! i'm sort of like...come on God - what's next? because i know i can surely use a break me down and make me whole again right about now. i'm due for an almighty experience from You. i mean the after affects of all that sorrow is grace and joy - HIS grace and joy. It's re-emphasizing what Ecclesiastes 7:3 says: "Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us." after He has humbled me, crushed me, and put me back together - i'm not the same anymore - i'm better - not as in i'm better than the next person or anything like that. but it's more in the sense of i'm a better person to be used by Him. it's like fixing one little part of the engine to get the entire transmission to run smoothly. one piece at a time. as long as I got Jesus everything will be alright. toot toot!

love

God,

I love you more than I can contain myself.
It’s ridiculous. It’s insane.
And I am so very thankful for it.
If someone asked me why am I so pleasantly peaceful and happy,
answer would have to be because of You.
If someone asked me what am I thinking about,
answer would have to be how much I love Jesus.
I can just see the crazy stares and the disbelief.
and the condemnation to come…but hey, I am what I am.
and it is what it is…all I can do is love as You have loved me.
I don’t know why You are giving me all this love and presence today
but all I have to say is thank you and by all means
bring this goodness anytime…all the time.

It is times like these that I try to hold on to as long as possible.
So that, when there are times where I cannot feel Your presence,
I cannot feel Your love and I cannot feel You near –
I can look back to the days where I could, and
I will remain hopeful praising You all the way until my feelings return.

one fully loaded potato

tuesday was chipotle day at my office. and being the good supporter i am - i joined the other Chipotlians and went to get my ginormous of a barbacoa burrito with rice, green peppers, pico, lettuce, cheese, sour cream, guacamole and hot sauce on the side. to my amazement - i ate the whole thing. i had intended to only eat half. i was anticipating a large dinner later on. come 6 pm there was a final meeting hoopla at pappadeaux's. i decided to get their crawfish 1 LB special. it came with potato and corn. a fellow sister had it too but didn't eat her potato. i couldn't let it go to waste so i ate it for her. helped the same fellow sister with her salad. ate the appetizer bread. top that off with an order of chicken tenders & fries and washed it all down with some bread pudding. i think i may have over done it with the bread pudding because the repercussions of all the food did not kick in until the bread pudding. but twas all too late. rubbing my belly did not help. i thought to myself: surely this will not last til tomorrow.

tomorrow came and stomach still not happy. throwing back 4 tums did not help. coke didn't help. neither did eating all those almonds. the smell of food made me sick. smoothie king - couldn't even drink a quarter of it. it was just pure deadly TIME. as the seconds ticked on by, my stomach was one angry intestine. ironically, i was reading the Bible before all of this and it fell on 1 Peter 1:13 "So think clearly and exercise self control" d'oh! yeah...didn't see that one coming. did not realize that He was trying to warn me of my future food intake - i thought God was warning me about mental stuff...who would've thunk it

note to self: need to breathe more while eating instead of inhaling the food. that, and i need to chew the recommended 26 times before you swallow. i heard that helps slow down the crazy eater in you. whaaaaa!?!? yeah...maybe i just need more self-control.