believe.

My sister's friend is over at the house doing some project for her parent's 50th anniversary. She brought her baby. Cute little thing was cute when he was peacefully laying there in his crib/car seat thing. However, that was very short lived when a wave of wailing proceeded by his arms tossing from side to side suddenly commenced one hour after her arrival. Needless to say, my nap time was short lived as well. I couldn't help but envy the baby. It didn't care about the worries of tomorrow or even today. It didn't wonder about what others would think of it when it cried. It simply did what it knew and felt. Something bothered him, he let his momma know the only way he knew how and she came a running.

Have you ever felt a big knot in your heart? So heavy, filled with God only knows what, and you want it out but it just won't leave and let you be? You just want to slam doors, kick walls, or shake keyboards violently to help lessen the pain of what has been pulling you down. I want to wail like that baby. I want to scream. I want someone to pick me up and say that all is fine, give me a hug, and calm me down when I do. Yes, I know it is going to be fine but somehow having someone there just to guide you along makes it easier. Everyone has their own burdens and battles that I think it silly of me to impose mine on theirs. Call it pride...I want to reach out but I can't. This is about the most I can do to let it out. God is sovereign and Jesus is enough. I've got to hold on to that. I'm gripping it with all I have left in me. I may not feel like He is but I trust in believing that He is and that He will come through. The feelings may never catch up to what I believe to be true but I must act like it is so, that it may be so. You are what you believe. The mind is a powerful thing. It can be the source to keep you alive or the downfall to take you out. The things of this world sets a trap and it hooks me from time to time. Worry, anxiety, frustration comes rushing in and I start to doubt myself. Ironic, isn't it? I am a teacher. I am placed in the schools to help kids believe in themselves. These kids are so bright and unaware of how much potential they have in their lives. How much they can do if they just believe. How hard is that? I tell them over and over that I believe in them. I believe they can do it. I know they can do it and that they too should start believing in themselves. While I am telling them to believe in themselves I barely believe myself. It's like that one man who cried out to the Lord, "I want to believe, but help my unbelief." I'm not looking for pity, I just want to be real with you. If you ever find yourself feeling like you're in a deep dark hole with nothing to look up to and dirt is starting to pour over and on you, just remember though it may seem like it is getting worse, you can do something about it. Shake the dirt off of you. Step on it, pound it down. Don't let it overtake you. Slowly and surely, the dirt that was meant to bury you will rise as you step and pound on top of it. Soon you find yourself gladly pounding on the dirt to climb out of the hole where you once thought you could never get out. It's rough, it's tough and believe me you start to lose hope. Press on and keep on going. Meanwhile, I'm praying for the both of us. Don't lose heart. Don't lose hope. God is sovereign and Jesus is enough. I believe in Him. Do you believe?